Late night political humor

9 Jan

“Political analysts are saying that Mitt Romney had trouble generating enthusiasm among Iowa voters. Now, ladies and gentlemen, you know you have a problem when people in Iowa find you dull.”
–Conan O’Brien

“Iowa is a state in the Midwest that manufactures pigs, corn and old people.”
–Conan O’Brien

“There’s a plan for the Pentagon to cut almost half a trillion dollars from the military. The Pentagon plans to pay for future wars by divorcing Kobe Bryant.”
–Conan O’Brien

“They say the Iowa caucuses are very important because they are predictors of the Academy Awards.”
–David Letterman

“Forty percent of the people of Iowa were undecided about who to select as a Republican candidate for president. Thank goodness we have three dozen debates.” –David Letterman

“I hope you all had a good holiday. I was in Scotland. I enjoy going back to the country where I was born. That must be what it feels like when Barack Obama visits Kenya.”
–Craig Ferguson

“The new ruler of North Korea is Kim Jong Il’s son. That’s an amazing coincidence. The elections must have gone very quickly.”
–Craig Ferguson

“The U.S. government is selling $30 billion worth of fighter jets to Saudi Arabia. Yeah, it’s part of a new initiative called, ‘Operation Regret This In Five Years.'”
–Jimmy Fallon

“President Obama’s campaign has released a highlight reel of his top moments from 2011. The video’s a little weird. Halfway through, it’s taped over by Joe Biden’s recording of ‘Yo Gabba Gabba.'”
–Jimmy Fallon

“2012 is supposed to be the year the world ends. Have you seen the national debt? If the world doesn’t end, we are so screwed.”
–Jay Leno

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