Late night political humor

18 Jan

“President Obama met with Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie in the Oval Office. And after they left, Obama checked the White House to make sure Sasha and Malia were still there.”
–Jimmy Fallon

“Angelina Jolie & Brad Pitt talked adoption with Obama at the White House. Obama said, ‘Could I interest you in a Biden?'”
–Jimmy Fallon

“A new tell-all book about Mitt Romney is coming out next week called ‘The Real Romney.’ You can tell the book is based on Romney. After 300 pages, the last line is, “Actually I just changed my mind about all of that.'”
–Jimmy Fallon

“Experts say Mitt Romney needs Latino support in elections. Romney says, I’ll never pander to any group or mi nombre no es Mitt Romney.”
–Jimmy Fallon

“Rick Perry’s presidential campaign is in trouble. So, they’re now selling his merchandise two for one. You get a foam finger, a key chain & I forget the third thing.”
–Jimmy Fallon

“Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt visited the White House. There was an odd moment when they tried to adopt President Obama.”
–Conan O’Brien

“Mitt Romney told a crowd that he is half Mexican. Which means that half of him will not be voting for Mitt Romney.”
–Conan O’Brien

“Researchers found a frog in new guinea that is so tiny, they believe it’s the smallest vertebrate on the planet. It has the tiniest backbone of any living creature, except members of Congress.”
–Jay Leno

“In North Korea, they announced they’re going to embalm Kim Jong Il’s body and put it on display just like Russia did with Lenin and America did with Larry King.”
–Craig Ferguson

“The article says yoga-related injuries are on the rise. People sit in chairs all day at work, then they twist into pretzels and expect it to be easy. It’s like being a brainless action star all your life, then going out and trying to govern the state of California.”
–Craig Ferguson

“A report from the Department of Homeland Security says they regularly monitor social networking sites, like Facebook, Twitter and MySpace. So that’s who is looking at MySpace, I guess.”
–Jimmy Kimmel

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