Late night political humor

26 Jan

We really like the last one.

“Mitt Romney is going to release 2010 and 2011 tax returns. Not to be outdone, Newt Gingrich is going to release his 1988, 1994, and 2005 wedding vows.”
–Conan O’Brien

“Mitt Romney lost in South Carolina. He’s getting desperate. With the Florida primaries coming up, today Mitt Romney’s campaign staff said the gloves are off. Or to use Romney’s exact words, “Jeeves, be a good chap and remove my opera gloves.'”
–Conan O’Brien

“Today, the Stanley Cup champion Boston Bruins visited the White House. President Obama told them he loves hockey as much as any black guy who grew up in Indonesia.”
–Conan O’Brien

‎”After disappointing showings in Iowa and New Hampshire, Newt’s campaign looked terminally ill – which is generally when he moves on to something better.”
–Stephen Colbert

“‘Newt triumphed with 40% of the vote to Mitt Romney’s 28% — a gap so wide, you could fit Newt’s head in it.”
–Stephen Colbert

“Newt Gingrich crushed Mitt Romney on Saturday (in South Carolina). … Gingrich sealed his victory in last week’s debates by going after America’s most dangerous enemy: debate moderators.”
–Stephen Colbert

“You’re not a Washington insider? You, the former Speaker of the House and Freddie Mac consulting millionaire, are the Washington insider. When Washington gets its prostate checked, it tickles you!”
–Jon Stewart, on Newt Gingrich campaigning as a Washington outsider

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