Late night political humor

6 Feb

“Apparently being the frontrunner gave him the confidence to announce that poor people can kiss his white ass. To be fair, they did take his comment out of context. What he said was, I’m not very concerned about the poor, they have a cushy safety net. And I’m concerned about the rich because they’re rich like me. What I’m concerned about is the middle class, because they could slip down the economic ladder and become poor again and then fall into that I-don’t-give-a-s**t about you category.”
–Bill Maher

“Newt Gingrich jumped on Romney’s gaffe. He said he does care about the poor people, he loves the very poor. In fact, under his plan, poor black people would be the first ones he’s sending up to the moon colony.”
–Bill Maher

“Donald Trump announced that he’s endorsing Mitt Romney for president. It was really nice. Trump was like, ‘There’s only one man with the brains, the skills, and the charisma to be president — but since I’m not running, you might as well vote for Mitt Romney.’”
–Jimmy Fallon

“It was a busy day for Trump, because just this morning, his hair popped out of the ground and predicted six more weeks of winter.”
–Jimmy Fallon

“The next caucus is this Saturday in Nevada. See, Nevada has something for all the candidates. It’s got legalized prostitution, which is part of Ron Paul’s campaign; it’s got a large Mormon population, which is good for Mitt Romney; it welcomes losers, which is perfect for Rick Santorum; and it’s got no-fault divorce, which is tailor-made for Newt Gingrich.”
–Jay Leno

“This week, Mitt Romney went to a McDonald’s restaurant to show that he’s a normal American… just a regular guy. You can tell he hasn’t spent a lot of time there. Like when he walked in, he asked to see the maitre d’.”
–Jay Leno

“Newt and Hillary are very similar. Both spent the ‘90s trying to figure out who Bill was sleeping with. And they have the same tailor.”
–Craig Ferguson

“Mitt Romney said he’s not concerned about the very poor. What he means is people making less than a million.”
–David Letterman

“Romney said the poor ought to get together and go to Best Buy to watch the Super Bowl on the wide-screen.”
–David Letterman

“Romney was endorsed by Donald Trump. You know what that means, ladies and gentlemen. Nothing.”
–David Letterman

“Donald Trump made a surprise endorsement of Mitt Romney for president. And Mitt climbed into Donald’s golden helicopter and they flew around the country, dropping silver dollars on the homeless and unemployed.”
–Jimmy Kimmel

2 Responses to “Late night political humor”

  1. EricIndiana February 7, 2012 at 3:22 pm #

    thank you for that collection of pearls of late night humor. Here’s my contribution:

    • Honolulu Notes February 8, 2012 at 8:26 am #

      Interesting website.
      It’s a fun read.

      Honolulu Notes

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