Late night political humor

13 Feb

“Mitt Romney lost all three of the primaries. Today, he begged Donald Trump to take back his endorsement.”
–David Letterman

“It was a big setback for the Mitt Romney campaign. Even the very poor said they felt bad for him.”
–David Letterman

“People on the inside tell me that the first thing Romney’s going to do if he’s elected president is he’s going to outlaw casual Friday.”
–David Letterman

“Rick Santorum was the big winner. He is feeling very cocky. He already is being fitted for an inaugural sweater vest.”
–David Letterman

“A mother in China gave birth to a 15-pound baby. Chinese officials say it’s so big, it can do the work of two babies.”
–Conan O’Brien

“Rick Santorum scored a hat trick winning in Colorado, Minnesota and Missouri. Newt Gingrich scored a hat trick eating at KFC, Taco Bell and Pizza Hut.”
–Jimmy Fallon

“Rick Santorum says that he is what the Republicans really want. Mitt Romney says now that he knows what Republicans want, he can change to those positions.”
–Jay Leno

“Romney was at a loss to explain why he dropped the ball. In fact, his wife is now blaming it on the New England Patriot receivers.”
–Jay Leno

“Donald Trump announced he is building a new hotel four blocks from the White House. And with any luck, that will be about as close to the White House as Donald Trump will ever get.”
–Jay Leno

“Part of me thinks that Rick Santorum is running for president just to show his high school crush she should have gone to the prom with him.”
–Jimmy Kimmel

“He even called global warming a hoax, which is no surprise, coming from a guy who is clearly in the pocket of big sweater vests.”
–Jimmy Kimmel

“There’s really no reason for anyone to drop out of the race. If you wind up in fourth place, you become a regular contributor on Fox News. You come in third, you get your own show on Fox News.”
–Jimmy Kimmel

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