Late night political humor

16 Feb

“Congratulations to Mitt Romney. He got an honorary Grammy for best spoken word for being able to speak out of both sides of his mouth at the same time.”
–Jay Leno

“President Obama has compromised with the Catholic Church on this whole birth-control issue. The White House’s new position? Just have sex and pray for the best.”
–Jay Leno

“Mitt Romney loves Valentine’s Day. Today he sent a dozen long-stemmed red roses to his money.”
–David Letterman

“Four of us are married to Newt”
–from the Top Ten Reasons This Year’s “Sports Illustrated” Swimsuit Issue Is The Best One Ever, as presented by the models on the Late Show With David Letterman

“Some election news. This weekend was the Maine caucuses. And here’s the crazy part — Adele actually won that, too.”
–Jimmy Fallon

“Rick Santorum said women might not be suited for military action because their emotions aren’t suited for combat. Which can mean only one thing: He’s never seen an episode of ‘The View.’”
–Jimmy Fallon

“Rick Santorum is against birth control, he’s against ordaining women as priests, he thinks two women kissing is immoral. See, this is the difference between me and Rick Santorum; neither one of us got a lot of dates in high school, but I just didn’t spend the rest of my life taking it out on women.”
–Bill Maher

“Santorum and Romney, they don’t like condoms because sex should all be about making babies. And Newt Gingrich doesn’t like them because they’re hard for a fat guy to put on in a car.”
–Bill Maher

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