Late night political humor

22 Feb

In honor of Monday’s President’s Day, we take a break from the late night hosts and present a small collection of some of the funniest quotes by US presidents:

“A conservative is a man with two perfectly good legs who, however, has never learned how to walk forward.”
– President Franklin Roosevelt

“Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt.”
– President Abraham Lincoln

“Being president is like running a cemetery: you’ve got a lot of people under you and nobody’s listening.”
– President Bill Clinton

”When they call the roll in the Senate, the Senators do not know whether to answer ‘present’ or ‘not guilty.”’
– President Teddy Roosevelt

”All that Hubert needs over there is a gal to answer the phone and a pencil with an eraser on it.”
– President Lyndon Johnson on Hubert Humphrey, his vice president

”There is absolutely no circumstance whatever under which I would accept that spot. Even if they tied and gagged me, I would find a way to signal by wiggling my ears.”
– President Ronald Reagan, on possibly being offered the vice presidency in 1968

”If I had to name my greatest strength, I guess it would be my humility. Greatest weakness, it’s possible that I’m a little too awesome.”
– President Barack Obama, at the 2008 Al Smith Dinner

”Too many good docs are getting out of the business. Too many OB-GYNs aren’t able to practice their love with women all across this country.”
– President George W. Bush

”In my many years I have come to a conclusion that one useless man is a shame, two is a law firm, and three or more is a congress.”
– President John Adams

”When I take action, I’m not going to fire a $2 million missile at a $10 empty tent and hit a camel in the butt. It’s going to be decisive.”
– President George W. Bush, after the 9/11 attacks

”Being president is like being a jackass in a hailstorm. There’s nothing to do but to stand there and take it.”
– President Lyndon Johnson

”I don’t want to be invited to the family hunting party.”
– President Barack Obama, on revelations that he and Dick Cheney are eighth cousins

”There a few things in life harder to find and more important to keep than love. Well, love and a birth certificate.”
– President Barack Obama, at the 2010 White House Correspondents’ Dinner

”If one morning I walked on top of the water across the Potomac River, the headline that afternoon would read: ‘President Can’t Swim.”’
– President Lyndon Johnson

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