Late night political humor

20 Jun

“The White House softball team played the pro-marijuana lobbyists’ team and lost 25-3. Still no word yet on which side President Obama played for.” – Jay Leno

“Mitt Romney said Obama is ignoring the real issues with illegals, which is that they keep blowing the grass clippings into his pool.” – Bill Maher

“Republicans Yesterday launched a new Spanish-language website to attract Latino voters, featuring smiling, happy Latino children — except it turned out they weren’t Latino children, they were Asian. Even worse, when you go to the button to click onto the home page, it says, ‘Enter around back.'” – Bill Maher

“President Obama is going to a fundraiser at Sarah Jessica Parker’s house. It will be a formal, sit-down dinner for 200 in her shoe closet.” – Conan O’Brien

“Tonight was the premiere of a new version of the TV show ‘Dallas’ with Larry Hagman. … The original “Dallas” series started in 1978. Back then, America was very different. We had an ineffective, one-term president. Gas prices were through the roof. We were in a stand-off with Iran. I’m glad those dark days are over.” – Craig Ferguson

“China has sent their first woman into outer space. Which at first seems like a feminist breakthrough until you realize she didn’t want to go.” – Jay Leno

“Happy birthday to Donald Trump, who is 66 years old today. The first thing he did this morning – he demanded to see his own birth certificate.” – David Letterman

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