What Republicans really want

11 Jul

Political platforms are an interesting thing.

It’s a big list of what the party believes and thinks should happen.

Whether you’re a Republican or Democrat, you are expected to toe the line and support your party’s platform.

If you don’t you can get thrown out of the party.

It’s the old “power in numbers” kind of thing.

Let’s look at a few state-party platforms.

They offer a road map to heaven or hell, depending on your party preference.

We start in Texas — the most Republican of states.

Every single statewide elected official is a Republican.

Of the 150 members of the Texas House of Representatives, 101 are Republicans—and they’re hunting the other 49 down with dogs.

Texas Republicans hate the heavy hand of government.

Their platform opposes mandatory preschool and kindergarten, mandatory immunizations, mandatory mandates.

While it’s one thing to be antigovernment, it’s another to be pro-stupid.

Yet the Texas GOP actually opposes thinking.

Their platform proudly declares: “We oppose the teaching of Higher Order Thinking Skills, critical-thinking skills, and similar programs.”

As a Texas populist likes to say, if ignorance is bliss, these are the happiest people on earth.

Predictably, Texas Republicans want a land without Social Security, without the United Nations, and without President Obama.

But the 23-page platform has some truly random gems, like opposing the U.N. Convention on the Rights of the Child, which was negotiated and adopted under the presidencies of those dangerous radicals, Reagan and Bush.

They’re against putting a radio chip in your body.
We sorta agree with that.

On the economy, the Texas GOP proudly quotes at great length from the GOP’s national platform — from 1932: repeal the minimum wage, abolish the Federal Reserve, and return to the gold standard.

And this is not just a Texas thing.

Let’s swing over to the nice, polite, and progressive people of Minnesota.

Their GOP platform also calls for abolition of the Fed, but would further quit funding the arts and public radio

Minnesota’s Republicans love our Constitution, but want to add an amendment declaring that life begins at conception and allowing men who impregnate women to have an equal say in what happens to the fetus.

The platform is silent as to whether rapists would be so empowered.

Minnesota, where all the children are above average, has one party that wants to require that the state spend the same amount on gifted children as it does on special-needs kids — totally ignoring the fact that many special-needs kids have special needs that cost more.

The Minnesota GOP also supports teaching of “creation science” and opposes any teaching about sex — except abstinence.

So how do you explain to Minneapolis high schoolers what former GOP senator Larry Craig was doing in their airport men’s room?

Like Texas, the Minnesota GOP wants to reinstate the ban on gays in the military.

Let’s be fair – aren’t the Democratic crazies just as crazy?

Actually, no.

Looking at the Democratic platforms of Vermont, Massachusetts, and Hawaii we find none of them is as far left as some of the Republicans are right.

No one is calling for the proletariat to own the means of production.

No Democrat wants to nationalize the oil companies.

We can’t even find one to call for sending SEAL Team 6 into the boardroom of Bain Capital.

They mostly repeat the standard center-left calls for gay rights and women’s rights, more health care and better schools.

No evidence for new gun control laws, much less implanting radio chips.

The party of Sarah Palin, Michele Bachmann and Newt Gingrich – the Republicans win.
They’re either more entertaining or more scary.

Take your pick.

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