Late night political humor

28 Jul

“North Korean leader Kim Jong-Un has been awarded the highest rank in the country’s military. The decision was praised by everyone from Parliamentary leader Kim Jong Un to opposition leader Kim Jong Un.”
– Conan O’Brien

During a fundraiser a country club in Mississippi, Mitt Romney said the GOP is a party focused on helping the poor. See, his wife Ann is right, he is funny. He can make jokes.”
– Jay Leno

“The Obama administration has reportedly told Syrian rebels they can’t help them until after the election. So at least they’re consistent. That’s the same thing they’re telling us. ‘Can’t help you until after the election.”
– Jay Leno

“President Obama said 1992’s dream team was better than this year’s Olympic basketball team. Which is interesting because a lot of people think 1992’s president is better than this year’s president.”
– Jimmy Fallon

“Every American athlete who wears the Chinese made uniforms will get a free bootleg copy of the new Batman movie.”
– Jay Leno

“We’re learning more and more about this guy Kim Jong-Un. New vicious, evil dictator of North Korea. Quite a … Apparently quite a ladies’ man. For a long time he was known as Kim Jong Clooney.”
– David Letterman

“Mitt Romney is in London. They said get your campaign plane, get your family, you don’t know anything about foreign policy, strap your dog to the roof of the plane. He arrived in England, got off the plane, and proudly proclaimed ‘Ich bin ein Londoner.’ … When Romney arrived at the hotel he was greeted by his money.”
– David Letterman

“Mitt Romney’s search for a vice president continues As you know, one of Mitt Romney’s problems is that he’s never hired an American for a job before, so this is new.”
– Jay Leno

“Congresswoman Michele Bachmann wants an investigation as to whether Islamists have infiltrated the highest levels of the federal government. You know what’s really frightening? After listening to Michele Bachmann, you realize idiots have infiltrated the highest levels of the federal government.”
– Jay Leno

“How about those Olympic uniforms? They’re made by Ralph Lauren and they’re beautiful. They’re colorful, they’re odd. I mean they look like the cast of ‘Glee.’ They look like the entire navy of Monaco.”
– David Letterman

“I was just the guy with the smoke screens, yet still legal title of CEO and Managing Director who was paid at least $100,000 a year to do what, according to me, Mitt Romney, was nothing. That’s the kind of common sense business experience I hope to bring to the White House.”
– Jon Stewart

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