Late night political humor

16 Aug

“Mitt Romney has picked Paul Ryan as his running mate. Experts say Ryan can add something vital to this campaign that Mitt Romney lacks: a personality.”
–Jay Leno

“Mitt Romney kept his selection of Ryan as his VP nominee secret for more than a week. You know how he was able to keep it secret? He had it hidden next to his tax returns.”
–Jay Leno

“Paul Ryan is full of excitement, he’s drawing big crowds. The only thing holding Paul Ryan back now according to political experts is Mitt Romney.”
–David Letterman

“Have you seen these guys, Mitt Romney and Paul Ryan? They look like father and son dentists.”
–David Letterman

“Paul Ryan likes to hunt and we all know that a vice president who hunts is always a good choice.”
–David Letterman

“New Jersey Governor Chris Christie is going to be the keynote speaker at the Republican National Convention, and wherever Chris Christie goes you know what that means. That’s right, unlimited bread sticks.”
–David Letterman

“I think Chris Christie is a good choice for the keynote speaker. I mean, is there a better symbol for belt-tightening than Chris Christie?”
–David Letterman

“Mitt Romney’s vice-presidential pick, Paul Ryan, criticized President Obama for not doing enough to create jobs. In response, Obama said, ‘Didn’t you just get a new job?'”
–Jimmy Fallon

“Speaking of Paul Ryan, a new poll actually found that 42 percent of Americans do not approve of Mitt Romney’s running mate, which isn’t too bad considering most Americans don’t approve of Paul Ryan’s running mate.”
–Jimmy Fallon

“North Korea could test a nuclear missile in two weeks. North Korea says this launch will go much better than previous ones because they got twice as much Diet Coke and Mentos.”
–Jimmy Fallon

“Tell me one area where Paul Ryan and Sarah Palin would disagree? I cannot find one area. So somehow he’s the smartest guy in the party and she’s the stupidest woman on earth, but they agree on everything.”
–Bill Maher

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