Late night political humor

20 Oct

“Last night, Mitt Romney said when he was looking to hire females, he would browse through ‘binders full of women.’ Romney said he got the idea from Tom Cruise.”
–Conan O’Brien

“A CNN poll today said that 46 percent of viewers who watched thought Obama won and 39 percent thought Mitt Romney won. So, it looks like Obama’s strategy of staying awake through this one paid off.”
–Jimmy Kimmel

“The format of the debate was a town hall meeting. Before last night, I didn’t know town hall meetings were a real thing. I thought they made them up for movies like ‘Footloose.’ And ‘Hoosiers.'”
–Jimmy Kimmel

“On the subject of equal pay for women, he said that when he was filing cabinet positions as governor of Massachusetts, he went out of his way to make sure he hired women. He said he had ‘binders full of women, which is a little creepy. Binders full of women is something they’d find in a serial killer’s basement at the end of Law & Order SVU.”
–Jimmy Kimmel

“Romney’s policy toward women is clear: we have to alphabetize them.”
–Jimmy Kimmel

“Couple of things: One, the women’s group was called MassGAP and they approached Governor Romney, not the other way around. And two, my guess is they did not refer to what they presented as a binder full of women, but perhaps as an organized collection of qualified resumes. But hey, Binder of Women, Book of Broads, Notebook of Nipples, whatever.”
–Jon Stewart

“The time for fact checking is after the event when voters have stopped watching. We should not be sullying their emotional reactions with accuracy.”
–Stephen Colbert, on Candy Crowley fact-checking Mitt Romney during the presidential debate

“Shocking. A conservative Republican congressman was caught having an illicit affair — and it wasn’t with a man, woohoo!”
–Stephen Colbert

“Larry King is moderating a presidential debate between third-party candidates on the Internet. That could be awkward. Most Americans have never heard of these candidates. And Larry King has never heard of the Internet.”
–Craig Ferguson

“Everyone on TV has said everything there is to say about the last presidential debate, so there’s no political commentary here. Tuning into this show for political commentary is like watching Bravo to learn about sports. Or like going to Larry King for marital advice.”
–Craig Ferguson

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