Late night political humor

17 Jan

late-night-political-humor-18-sized“President Obama’s half-brother is running for political office in Kenya. Donald Trump has already accused him of being born in the United States.”
– Conan O’Brien

“Daniel Day-Lewis won a Golden Globe for playing Abraham Lincoln and Julianne Moore won for playing Sarah Palin. The foreign press realized that the greatest challenge for an actor in Hollywood is pretending to be a Republican.”
– Jay Leno

“Republicans and Democrats are working on a new bill to streamline the healthcare system. It will reduce the cost of mammograms and prostate exams. But don’t worry. They’ll still be free at the airport.”
– Jimmy Fallon

“President Obama is coming under criticism that his new administration has less diversity than his first one. Which is why this morning Obama said, ‘All right, fine, I am a Muslim.”
– Conan O’Brien

“President Obama held the final press conference of his first term in office, talking mostly about the debt ceiling. He announced if Congress doesn’t raise the debt ceiling America will go into default on its loans and we might have to say goodbye to Florida.”
– Jimmy Kimmel

“The White House announced that the theme for President Obama’s inauguration will be ‘Faith in America’s Future.’ Which is proof that no one in the White House has ever seen ‘Here Comes Honey Boo Boo.'”
– Jimmy Fallon

“According to a new poll, Congress is now less popular than head lice, Nickelback, and Donald Trump. In a related story, head lice is insulted that it’s being lumped in with Donald Trump and Nickelback.”
– Conan O’Brien

“No one’s taking away ALL the guns. But now I get it, now I see what’s happening. So this is what it is. Their paranoid fear of a possible dystopic future prevents us from addressing our actual dystopic present. We can’t even begin to address 30,000 gun deaths that are actually, in reality, happening in this country every year because a few of us must remain vigilant against the rise of imaginary Hitler.”
– Jon Stewart

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