Late night political humor

5 Feb

Late-Night-Political-Humor-Perry-sized“The Dow hit 14,000. It hasn’t been that high since 2007, heading toward an all-time high. Just think of how big it would be if Obama wasn’t such a socialist.”
–Bill Maher

“Beyoncé finally admitted that she did lip sync the national anthem during the inauguration. Now Donald Trump is claiming that since she did lip sync, President Obama is not legally president. He said it invalidated the whole thing.”
–Jay Leno

“Fox News has their lowest ratings in 10 years. But Fox says it’s not a case of them losing credibility. They say it’s not because they’re now widely seen as a clearing house for discredited ideas. They say it’s mostly because of old people misplacing the clicker.”
–Bill Maher

“Immigration is the big issue they’re working on in Washington. They want to create a ‘path to citizenship.’ You have to pass a background check, you have to pay a fine, you have to pay back taxes, you have to learn English and you have to get that statue of the Virgin Mary off your front yard. Oh, and also the cable channels between 17 and 23 – gone.”
–Bill Maher

“I love this story; the state of Washington is now looking for a marijuana consultant now that marijuana is legal up there. I think this is one of those green jobs President Obama is always talking about.”
–Jay Leno

“The director of Jewish outreach for the White House announced that he is stepping down. He says it’s time to move on, while his mother says he’s still a real catch and other presidents would be lucky to have him.”
–Jimmy Fallon

“Women serving in the United States military will now be serving in combat. Finally there will be somebody in the tank who will stop and ask for directions.”
–David Letterman

“In a big meeting of the Republican National Committee, Louisiana Governor Bobby Jindal told the GOP to ‘stop being the stupid party.’ Then Texas Governor Rick Perry gave the rebuttal.”
–Jay Leno

“President Obama went to Las Vegas and spoke about his new immigration plan. Afterwards he was harshly criticized by the locals for speaking in English.”
–Jay Leno

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