Late night political humor

11 Feb

Late-Night-Political-Humor-024-sized“A Justice Department memo claims that President Obama has the right to order the assassination of an American anywhere in the world. Isn’t that crazy? In a related story, Donald Trump has gone into hiding.”
–Conan O’Brien

“Fox News has their lowest ratings in 10 years. But Fox says it’s not a case of them losing credibility. They say it’s not because they’re now widely seen as a clearing house for discredited ideas. They say it’s mostly because of old people misplacing the clicker.”
–Bill Maher

“It was just revealed that the Federal Reserve was hacked on Sunday. It’s pretty serious. In fact, they say the hackers could’ve made off with as much as negative $14 trillion.”
–Jimmy Fallon

“The Postal Service announced that it will stop delivering mail on Saturdays in an effort to save $2 billion a year. Postal workers were shocked: ‘We were supposed to deliver mail on Saturdays?”
–Jimmy Fallon

“A new study says that working fewer hours can slow global warming. So you know what that means? President Obama’s economic policy is also his climate change policy.”
–Jay Leno

“This is kind of disturbing. The Justice Department has concluded that the president can order drone strikes on American citizens. And today, Rush Limbaugh came out in favor of Obamacare.”
–Jay Leno

“The U.S. Postal Service announced they are ending Saturday delivery of the mail. Now if you have a problem and you want to complain, you can email them at USPS.com.”
–Jay Leno

“Some Democrats in Congress are now trying to change the marijuana laws, making it legal so it can be taxed and increase revenue. Is that what the government’s come down to now? We’re selling drugs to pay off our debts? When did Uncle Sam become Scarface?”
–Jay Leno

“Next year’s Super Bowl is already in the news. It takes place in New Jersey. The NFL says it wants to prevent another blackout. This one involves keeping Chris Christie away from his microwave.”
–Conan O’Brien

“A member of Congress is criticizing Steven Spielberg after he discovered parts of the movie ‘Lincoln’ are historically inaccurate — particularly the scene where Lincoln dies in the mouth of a great white shark.”
–Conan O’Brien

“In the last two months Fox News has fired Sarah Palin, former governor of Alaska, and Dick Morris, well-known political pundit. Well, great. Two more jobs lost under Obama.”
–David Letterman

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