Late night political humor

19 Jul

Late-Night-Political-Humor16“According to a new study, inactivity can kill you. You can die from doing nothing. Believe me. These findings scare the hell out of the Congress.”
–Jay Leno

“NSA leaker Edward Snowden has filed for temporary asylum in Russia. Apparently, he didn’t want anyone to know, but somehow the story leaked out.”
–Jay Leno

“President Obama told a group of school children that broccoli was his favorite food, and they believed him. Then he told them Obamacare would reduce the deficit and the kids all busted out laughing.”
–Jay Leno

“Britain is in a heightened state of alert. Right now they’re in royal baby watch. Yes, everyone’s on the lookout for the helpless little bald creature that will someday become the most powerful person in England. But enough about Prince Charles.”
–Craig Ferguson

“Sarah Palin said she may run for the Senate. She said being a U.S. senator is job she’s always dreamed of resigning from.”
–Bill Maher

“The U.S. government had a $116.5 billion surplus in June. Officials say they are now conducting an investigation to see what went wrong.”
–Jay Leno

“Televangelist Pat Robertson said he wishes Facebook had a ‘vomit button’ he could push whenever someone posts a picture of a gay couple kissing. Of course, the other option would be for Pat Robertson to stop searching online for gay men kissing.”
–Conan O’Brien

“Gay marriage is legal in the U.K. Which is why today, Camilla asked Prince Charles, ‘So I can take off this dress now?”
–Jimmy Fallon

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